Size matters … when writing description

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 public domain photo

In my high school classroom, we’ve just finished reading the novella “Sandkings” by George R.R. Martin, a fantastic story I had mentioned in an earlier post. One superior characteristic of this story is Martin’s vivid use of description, and one aspect of his descriptions that struck me this year is his use of familiar comparisons to describe size. Yes, size matters.

Rather than describe the dimensions of an object (as in “four feet wide by two feet tall”), which might indeed be appropriate for a mechanical drawing or blueprint, Martin compares the size of unknown, imaginary things to recognizable objects.

“Sandkings” is a science fiction/horror story full of imaginary creatures that grow in size as the story progresses. The “maws” are queen bee-like creatures that control ant-like “mobiles” called sandkings. Both of these fictional creatures grow to match the size of their surrounding environment. Here are some of the descriptions that Martin employs.

Early on, as a salesperson in a “pet” store describes the maw:

“The maw lives in the castle. Maw is my name for her. A pun, if you will; the thing is mother and stomach both. Female, large as your fist, immobile.”

Then, later, when sandkings bearing their maw escape from a larger tank:

“He watched as a column took shape, a living, writhing square of sandkings, bearing something, something slimy and featureless, a piece of raw meat big as a man's head. They began to carry it away from the tank. It pulsed.”

At the beginning of the story, the ant-like sandking mobiles live in a small tank at the “pet” store:

“It still looked like an insect to his eyes. Barely as long as his fingernail, six-limbed, with six tiny eyes set all around its body.”

Later, the sandkings escape from a larger tank in the main character’s house:

“They were larger than he remembered. Some were almost as big as his thumb.”

Later still, an escaped sandking attacks one of the other characters in the story:

“A great white sandking had clamped itself around her wrist. Blood welled through her skinthins where its mandibles had sunk in. It was fully as large as her hand.”

Finally, an escaped sandking menaces the main character:

“Something moved from shadow into light. A pale shape on the seat of his skimmer. It was as long as his forearm. Its mandibles clacked together softly, and it looked up at him from six small eyes set all around its body.”

Fist to head; fingernail to thumb to hand to forearm. With these descriptions, a reader need only consult his or her own body to sense the size of the creatures being described. How much more real and vivid this is than “two inches long,” etc. One way to help readers understand the unfamiliar (as in science fiction) is to relate it to the familiar. Furthermore, the increasing size of the creatures helps to mark the passage of time and to establish the chronological sequence of the story.

As writers of creative nonfiction such as Truman Capote, Tom Wolfe, Joan Didion and many others have recognized for decades, the techniques of fiction can inform nonfiction writing too. Writing an essay for sociology or economics class does not restrict you to boring, bland descriptions. Whenever possible, make them vivid and make them real.

© 2014 Bob Dial.  All rights reserved.